November 20, 2003 -- Stew speaks
Stew sends his therapist an email the evening of November 20th.
My mind is splitting right now. I can actually feel the effects of my mind separating from itself. My heart is racing, and I’m dizzy. I just cut myself because that usually grounds me, but it hasn’t worked.
It feels like the back of my head is spinning…a literal tingling sensation going on within my head…but the front of my head… the part of the brain behind the eyeballs is trying to stay in sync.
I feel like a caged animal, with rage wanting to smash the monitor in front of me to a million pieces, but there’s an element of humanity stopping me.
I feel like I want to run outside and start howling at the cold night sky, much like a wolf… there’s another part of me that wants to curl up underneath my desk where it’s dry and warm.
I’m going to go take a trazadone and go to bed. I will call you in the morning.
Stew
My mind is splitting right now. I can actually feel the effects of my mind separating from itself. My heart is racing, and I’m dizzy. I just cut myself because that usually grounds me, but it hasn’t worked.
It feels like the back of my head is spinning…a literal tingling sensation going on within my head…but the front of my head… the part of the brain behind the eyeballs is trying to stay in sync.
I feel like a caged animal, with rage wanting to smash the monitor in front of me to a million pieces, but there’s an element of humanity stopping me.
I feel like I want to run outside and start howling at the cold night sky, much like a wolf… there’s another part of me that wants to curl up underneath my desk where it’s dry and warm.
I’m going to go take a trazadone and go to bed. I will call you in the morning.
Stew
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