August 10, 2004
It's been days since I've posted, as you no doubt have noticed. Time is fluid around here, it ebbs and flows unpredictably.
That, and I tend to get rather lazy now and then. Let's call it laziness and be honest about it.
Stew's preparing for his road trip, and he's rather nervous about it. He's told me he won't make it, that he won't last . . . and he has been sick a lot. Retching, mostly, nauseous a lot, headaches, and it's been hot, which doesn't help matters in the least. I told him he'll be fine. I know he doesn't want to let anyone down, and he worries about that. There are so many things that can go wrong, after all, but that's the case with everything in life. Unfortunately, that's what he sees so often. I want him to go and have a good time. Spend time with Jake, see his parents, have fun.
The other day he said that when he gets back he'll really get to work on his business.
Overall, he's been holding up pretty well. Had a bad time one night last week, disassociated, cut himself, called me late at night. We talked on the phone and I did my best reassuring come-back-to-earth spiel, or at least what I could at the time. It exhausted me, so I can't imagine how it exhausted him. If it does that to me, what must it do to him? And then he gets frustrated because he's so tired and doesn't feel like he can get anything done.
The next morning I was still worried about him; even though he said he was better after we'd talked it's really hard to tell at times. I called him, and there was no answer. Both phones. So, assuming something needed looking into immediately, I ran (drove, actually) over there . . . only to discover he'd been in the shower and was doing much much better. That's quite normal. There I am, still in the trough from the night before, while he's moved on to other, better emotions. It was such a relief that he was okay that I didn't pummel him too badly for not letting me know sooner. Besides, he's bigger than me, and pummeling must be performed with caution.
Today he helps Jake and Chris pack up the U-Haul. I hope the heat isn't unbearable for him. Other than the physical demands, it should be an okay day. Even that is an unknown though, since he is so often physically ill these days. Tomorrow they head off to California. And Dog can come stay with me for the duration. I've missed Dog, as annoying as she is.
Monique
That, and I tend to get rather lazy now and then. Let's call it laziness and be honest about it.
Stew's preparing for his road trip, and he's rather nervous about it. He's told me he won't make it, that he won't last . . . and he has been sick a lot. Retching, mostly, nauseous a lot, headaches, and it's been hot, which doesn't help matters in the least. I told him he'll be fine. I know he doesn't want to let anyone down, and he worries about that. There are so many things that can go wrong, after all, but that's the case with everything in life. Unfortunately, that's what he sees so often. I want him to go and have a good time. Spend time with Jake, see his parents, have fun.
The other day he said that when he gets back he'll really get to work on his business.
Overall, he's been holding up pretty well. Had a bad time one night last week, disassociated, cut himself, called me late at night. We talked on the phone and I did my best reassuring come-back-to-earth spiel, or at least what I could at the time. It exhausted me, so I can't imagine how it exhausted him. If it does that to me, what must it do to him? And then he gets frustrated because he's so tired and doesn't feel like he can get anything done.
The next morning I was still worried about him; even though he said he was better after we'd talked it's really hard to tell at times. I called him, and there was no answer. Both phones. So, assuming something needed looking into immediately, I ran (drove, actually) over there . . . only to discover he'd been in the shower and was doing much much better. That's quite normal. There I am, still in the trough from the night before, while he's moved on to other, better emotions. It was such a relief that he was okay that I didn't pummel him too badly for not letting me know sooner. Besides, he's bigger than me, and pummeling must be performed with caution.
Today he helps Jake and Chris pack up the U-Haul. I hope the heat isn't unbearable for him. Other than the physical demands, it should be an okay day. Even that is an unknown though, since he is so often physically ill these days. Tomorrow they head off to California. And Dog can come stay with me for the duration. I've missed Dog, as annoying as she is.
Monique
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